I just turned 40 and quit my job
Jul 18, 24
Today is the day. A new beginning. A new era. As nervous as I am I know I did the right thing.
Today is my last day at a job that I’ve held for over 5 years. It’s the longest I’ve ever stayed with a company. To me that’s a pretty big deal. And I don’t really know what’s next. I mean, yeah, I have a gig lined up that starts in a couple of days. I need to keep cookin’. But what I mean is I don’t know what the future holds for me. I have an idea of what I want but -
Hold up.
I’ll get to all that. Let me just enjoy the moment. Let me bask in the morning sun. This is big. This is really really big. I have the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m about to do something great. That my life is about to change for the better. That I’m rising up over it all and flying towards something bigger. So yes, it’s a big day. There’s a lot on the line. And as I get dressed I’m grinning from ear to ear because I know it will all be good…and because… well…It’s also my 40th birthday.
Lately I've been asking myself the usual stock questions like:
- Where do I see myself in 5 years? Or in 10?
- What type of work do I want to be doing when I’m older?
And I've also been asking myself the really hard ones like:
- Fabian, you’ve been working on your film for 6 years already. When will you finish it?
- What happens if your film is released and it doesn’t make a sound? Does it still exist?
- Do I want to open up a new type of transparent design and animation shop? I bet I could.
Hold up.
I’ll get to all that. Let me just enjoy the moment. Let me bask in the morning sun. This is big. This is really really big. I have the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m about to do something great. That my life is about to change for the better. That I’m rising up over it all and flying towards something bigger. So yes, it’s a big day. There’s a lot on the line. And as I get dressed I’m grinning from ear to ear because I know it will all be good…and because… well…It’s also my 40th birthday.
Lately I've been asking myself the usual stock questions like:
- Where do I see myself in 5 years? Or in 10?
- What type of work do I want to be doing when I’m older?
And I've also been asking myself the really hard ones like:
- Fabian, you’ve been working on your film for 6 years already. When will you finish it?
- What happens if your film is released and it doesn’t make a sound? Does it still exist?
- Do I want to open up a new type of transparent design and animation shop? I bet I could.
- How can I continually keep showing up for my daughter? She’s almost 2 and deserves the very best.
- How can I get her to California to see her cousins more often?
And that's not even all of them!
The questions I could ask myself are endless. And not only that, each answer probably contains several more questions that would themselves need more answers than I could possibly supply.
So instead of trying to answer all these questions I started thinking about what this new era of my life could mean. And what I landed on was the realization that I have a chance to reframe who I am as a creative and what I’m putting out. I’m not saying that I’m going to take a huge left turn and leave everything I’ve built behind, but instead recalibrate my goals and the steps I’ll take to reach them. I get to decide how I want to live the second half of my life. And that’s liberating in its own right. I spoke to a friend recently about my anxieties of hitting this milestone birthday (They had just hit a milestone birthday themselves) and we found that the common thread through both our experiences was a desire to bring a more precise focus into our lives. A sense of clarity to guide us through the next era, however long that era is meant to last. So I did what I always do when I’m searching for answers. I worked through it. And the project that I gave myself to help me find clarity was to design and build the latest version of my website.
- How can I get her to California to see her cousins more often?
And that's not even all of them!
The questions I could ask myself are endless. And not only that, each answer probably contains several more questions that would themselves need more answers than I could possibly supply.
So instead of trying to answer all these questions I started thinking about what this new era of my life could mean. And what I landed on was the realization that I have a chance to reframe who I am as a creative and what I’m putting out. I’m not saying that I’m going to take a huge left turn and leave everything I’ve built behind, but instead recalibrate my goals and the steps I’ll take to reach them. I get to decide how I want to live the second half of my life. And that’s liberating in its own right. I spoke to a friend recently about my anxieties of hitting this milestone birthday (They had just hit a milestone birthday themselves) and we found that the common thread through both our experiences was a desire to bring a more precise focus into our lives. A sense of clarity to guide us through the next era, however long that era is meant to last. So I did what I always do when I’m searching for answers. I worked through it. And the project that I gave myself to help me find clarity was to design and build the latest version of my website.
Like an artist preparing a gallery exhibit this show had to stand as a body of work on its own. Designing a portfolio meant that I needed to find a way to present myself and my work in a way that separated me from every other creative out there. And from the beginning I always felt that having a huge library of projects up, with a link to my email address, just never felt complete. Is more really more? This ‘single-use site’ only showed 1 side of me. The work. Would it be possible to create something more thoughtful? Something more personal?
We as humans are multifaceted. We have so many sides of us that make up the whole of our personality. Who said I couldn’t show more? The challenge then became, to find a way to show as many sides of myself as possible - The big projects I’m a part of (and often get to direct), the smaller sprints of creativity, the life in between it all, and even the things I do (reading, watching, and listening) when I’m trying to relax, learn, and be inspired. Heck - maybe one day I could even find a way to add in my exercise and health stats too. All these facets create the pillars of who I am. And maybe, just maybe if I showed people more of myself, my connections and relationships to the world and community around me would become stronger. Maybe people would even want to come back to my site to see what I’ve been up to? To find a new playlist to jam to during their daily grind? Or better yet, would I be able to pull people away from the apps and feeds that bring so much discomfort and anxiety to us all? Could my little corner of the internet be comforting to some? If not, that’s ok. I know I find comfort in the single little fact that I’m seizing a slight bit of control of my data from the grasp of all these apps and algorithms. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the apps, but I secretly fear that one day they’ll shut down and I might not exist anymore. It could happen!
After many long nights of designing and building this new gallery, and putting most of these things into practice, I did find a clarity of sorts. In sifting through the numerous projects and the countless images and videos on old hard drives, a lot of it didn’t move me anymore. Not that those projects didn’t mean anything at the time. Just that my interest for them had waned.
We as humans are multifaceted. We have so many sides of us that make up the whole of our personality. Who said I couldn’t show more? The challenge then became, to find a way to show as many sides of myself as possible - The big projects I’m a part of (and often get to direct), the smaller sprints of creativity, the life in between it all, and even the things I do (reading, watching, and listening) when I’m trying to relax, learn, and be inspired. Heck - maybe one day I could even find a way to add in my exercise and health stats too. All these facets create the pillars of who I am. And maybe, just maybe if I showed people more of myself, my connections and relationships to the world and community around me would become stronger. Maybe people would even want to come back to my site to see what I’ve been up to? To find a new playlist to jam to during their daily grind? Or better yet, would I be able to pull people away from the apps and feeds that bring so much discomfort and anxiety to us all? Could my little corner of the internet be comforting to some? If not, that’s ok. I know I find comfort in the single little fact that I’m seizing a slight bit of control of my data from the grasp of all these apps and algorithms. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the apps, but I secretly fear that one day they’ll shut down and I might not exist anymore. It could happen!
After many long nights of designing and building this new gallery, and putting most of these things into practice, I did find a clarity of sorts. In sifting through the numerous projects and the countless images and videos on old hard drives, a lot of it didn’t move me anymore. Not that those projects didn’t mean anything at the time. Just that my interest for them had waned.
Like that gallery artist prepping for their show, I only wanted to hang up the work where you could find a common thread. From one project to another you might be able to feel my touch. Projects that spoke to where I am now, and that I think will lead me to more like it.
And there it is. The single answer to every question I could possibly ask myself after quitting my job and turning 40. I just need to keep following the things I care about most. If I keep doing that they will guide the way. And I hope when you look at my site you’ll see what it is I care about.
I care about my family.
I care about my health.
and about my work.
About my friends.
About the teams I work with.
I care about animation.
About film and music and literature
and about the many other forms of media we consume.
I care about the culture.
About society and how we interact with each other on and offline.
About design and how it affects our daily lives.
About art.
About the systems that we come into contact with every day.
About true leadership.
About underrepresented people in our communities.
About the stories that transcend borders & generations.
About making every second count.
About food and its preparation.
About creating a community that I can eat with.
I care about the Earth and nature.
About the economics that run our lives.
And I care about other people's feelings.
About the details.
And about so much more.
If I've learned anything about quitting my job today, It's that sometimes questions don’t need to be answered. Because they’ll usually answer themselves over time by the daily decisions we make. If we keep up with the things we truly care about we’ll find our way. At least that’s what I’m going into the second part of my life telling myself. To care. And to care deeply.
The rest will figure itself out.
For now, I'm going to go and enjoy this momentous day.
And there it is. The single answer to every question I could possibly ask myself after quitting my job and turning 40. I just need to keep following the things I care about most. If I keep doing that they will guide the way. And I hope when you look at my site you’ll see what it is I care about.
I care about my family.
I care about my health.
and about my work.
About my friends.
About the teams I work with.
I care about animation.
About film and music and literature
and about the many other forms of media we consume.
I care about the culture.
About society and how we interact with each other on and offline.
About design and how it affects our daily lives.
About art.
About the systems that we come into contact with every day.
About true leadership.
About underrepresented people in our communities.
About the stories that transcend borders & generations.
About making every second count.
About food and its preparation.
About creating a community that I can eat with.
I care about the Earth and nature.
About the economics that run our lives.
And I care about other people's feelings.
About the details.
And about so much more.
If I've learned anything about quitting my job today, It's that sometimes questions don’t need to be answered. Because they’ll usually answer themselves over time by the daily decisions we make. If we keep up with the things we truly care about we’ll find our way. At least that’s what I’m going into the second part of my life telling myself. To care. And to care deeply.
The rest will figure itself out.
For now, I'm going to go and enjoy this momentous day.
Notes on a new reel
May 10, 21
To celebrate two years with my oddfellows fam I wanted to cut a reel.
It had been 4 years since I last made a reel...or any significant update to my website for that matter. So, like I do with everything, I over thought it. Late one night I typed up a mini manifesto, so to speak, about what a directing reel and a website means to me right now. I'll save you all the burden of a my late night ramblings and give you the highlights.
-- As someone who does creative work for a living it's really important to me to try and inject my work with some sort of voice. I try to give it life beyond the 15 or 60 second clips that we all get fed. Can I make something that leaves behind a feeling? It's hard, but I try.
-- I thought about the work as a period in my life. If this was a gallery showing or an album, could it stand on its own as a cohesive body of work? Though, they are often for different clients wanting different things, could I capture a moment in time? I hope I did.
-- As someone who does creative work for a living it's really important to me to try and inject my work with some sort of voice. I try to give it life beyond the 15 or 60 second clips that we all get fed. Can I make something that leaves behind a feeling? It's hard, but I try.
-- I thought about the work as a period in my life. If this was a gallery showing or an album, could it stand on its own as a cohesive body of work? Though, they are often for different clients wanting different things, could I capture a moment in time? I hope I did.
-- Now that I've grouped this work together, does it mean it's the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one? Quite possibly. But I guess we'll have to wait and see. There's still a film to finish (@donteverletgofilm) and I'm sure that will fit somewhere in-between.
-- Animation is made by many. And I wanted to show you that. So at my site, in the bio, you'll be able to see a shot by shot credit list with links to everyone's personal sites, along with my roles on each project. Go dive into their work if you have a moment. I work with some of the best.
All of this is to say, thanks for following along on the journey. Thanks for being there for me when I make things that are a bit different. If you've been a part of these projects or others that can't be shown, thank you. Here's to making more work. Here's to charting a path into the unknown. Let's gooooo!! ⛰️
-- Animation is made by many. And I wanted to show you that. So at my site, in the bio, you'll be able to see a shot by shot credit list with links to everyone's personal sites, along with my roles on each project. Go dive into their work if you have a moment. I work with some of the best.
All of this is to say, thanks for following along on the journey. Thanks for being there for me when I make things that are a bit different. If you've been a part of these projects or others that can't be shown, thank you. Here's to making more work. Here's to charting a path into the unknown. Let's gooooo!! ⛰️
Hello From 2013!
Jan 09, 13
2012 was a big year. And 2013 will be a helluva lot bigger!
For a quick recap; last year I was pretty much working 2 jobs. I was working at Idle games for most of the year, and during the evenings and weekends I was keeping myself busy working on a video production company that I started with my long time friend Darryl Kirchner. That time was a great learning experience. I learned a lot about myself, my future goals, and how to get to where I wanted by taking small risks and making sure they turned out positive. By all means, it was not easy. But I got through it.
Later in the year I was let go from my position at Idle only to find another job at another game company 3 DAYS later. I felt lucky to have found work so fast. But that's when I asked myself what I really wanted. I want to tell stories, to make films, and to inspire people with animation, film, design, and anything in between and beyond. Was I doing that at my new job? No. So I thought long and hard about my options.
Later in the year I was let go from my position at Idle only to find another job at another game company 3 DAYS later. I felt lucky to have found work so fast. But that's when I asked myself what I really wanted. I want to tell stories, to make films, and to inspire people with animation, film, design, and anything in between and beyond. Was I doing that at my new job? No. So I thought long and hard about my options.
I eventually left the company the day I got back from Thanksgiving break. It was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. It wasn't the act of quitting that scared me, but the fact that I was giving up a comfortable pay check and a steady job that I checked into every day and checked out of every night. Would I succeed in a world of freelance and starting my own business? I had no idea, but I would die a bitter old man if I never had the guts to find out. So that's where I'm at now.
Since I started this life as a freelancer, I have worked with some great people and learned a TON about the things that feel most passionate about. The road ahead is looking great. I cannot WAIT to let you guys in on the things that have been happening behind the scenes with our company. Exciting things are ahead, so stay tuned. And with that, I'm back baby!
Happy new years!
Since I started this life as a freelancer, I have worked with some great people and learned a TON about the things that feel most passionate about. The road ahead is looking great. I cannot WAIT to let you guys in on the things that have been happening behind the scenes with our company. Exciting things are ahead, so stay tuned. And with that, I'm back baby!
Happy new years!
Where lies the value in taking breaks?
Nov 03, 10
As artists we have so much we want to achieve and so little time to do it.
It's part of life - there's only twenty-four hours in a day and only so much that can be done. That’s where this post comes in. I wanted to talk a bit about breaks and answer this question: Where lies the value in taking breaks?
I just got back from a long week in San Diego for the annual Comic-Con convention where I had a booth and sold my work. It was a great time! Really, I loved meeting new people and hanging out at my booth all day. It was really like a mini vacation, even though I was technically working. Before I left for the trip, I couldn’t stop dreaming about Comic-Con, meeting new people and hanging out with old friends. I felt like I needed a break from work and my life here in San Francisco. And trust me I did! Work, though engaging and fun can be exhausting at times—I’m sure we all feel that way. As for me, I was working on a project for a couple of weeks and finished it on the day I left for San Diego. Phew - talk about a close call! My mind was numb and a break from animation was all I wanted.
So I didn’t animate for almost a week while in San Diego. But by the end of the trip, I was wanting—no, yearning—to get back to work and start my next animation assignment. Come to think of it, even on the first day in San Diego I was thinking about how much I enjoyed those recent exhausting weeks at work! That period at work was intense and mind-boggling at times. But I learned so much.
I overcame hurdles that I had never thought I would get a chance to. When I really dove into it, and even when I struggled, I just kept going. There was nothing else to do but keep going. So I did. And everything came out well. The animation I had been pouring myself into for weeks had just been conquered. The weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got back from a long week in San Diego for the annual Comic-Con convention where I had a booth and sold my work. It was a great time! Really, I loved meeting new people and hanging out at my booth all day. It was really like a mini vacation, even though I was technically working. Before I left for the trip, I couldn’t stop dreaming about Comic-Con, meeting new people and hanging out with old friends. I felt like I needed a break from work and my life here in San Francisco. And trust me I did! Work, though engaging and fun can be exhausting at times—I’m sure we all feel that way. As for me, I was working on a project for a couple of weeks and finished it on the day I left for San Diego. Phew - talk about a close call! My mind was numb and a break from animation was all I wanted.
So I didn’t animate for almost a week while in San Diego. But by the end of the trip, I was wanting—no, yearning—to get back to work and start my next animation assignment. Come to think of it, even on the first day in San Diego I was thinking about how much I enjoyed those recent exhausting weeks at work! That period at work was intense and mind-boggling at times. But I learned so much.
I overcame hurdles that I had never thought I would get a chance to. When I really dove into it, and even when I struggled, I just kept going. There was nothing else to do but keep going. So I did. And everything came out well. The animation I had been pouring myself into for weeks had just been conquered. The weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
When I was at Comic-Con my mind was a bit more at ease, but I felt like something was miss-ing. What was it? Was it the sleepless nights? No. Was it the drinks with friends at the pub?No. It was something deeper than that... It was the challenge! I love to challenge myself and push what I think I can do. Or better yet, do what I think I can’t do. There’s a myriad of paths I could take in life, but I choose animation. It’s what I love. All during Comic-Con, I found myself constantly people watching, drawing a bit, and writing. I challenged myself to find things in people - little quirks or slight moments of true emotion. What's wild is that, all of this is part of animation. So in a way I never stopped animating, even while in San Diego. But it was still a break, and worth every minute of it. It reinvigorated me with the energy to come back to work and kick ass.
What I’m trying to say here is that we all need to take breaks! Whether it’s 5 minutes, a week, or even a year off, breaks are essential to our health and to the success of our work. They give us a breath of fresh air, a new perspective on life, and they may even point us in a new direction.
What I’m trying to say here is that we all need to take breaks! Whether it’s 5 minutes, a week, or even a year off, breaks are essential to our health and to the success of our work. They give us a breath of fresh air, a new perspective on life, and they may even point us in a new direction.